We are home but did not bring home a baby. The birth parents changed their minds at the last minute. We had a great 2 week vacation in Chicago and have tons of wonderful memories. We are sad but hopeful.

Still Waiting In The Windy City

We are in Chicago awaiting the birth of a sweet baby girl who we pray is Ellison. Our birth mom is due tomorrow so hopefully it will be soon. Chicago is fast and windy! We did some exploring today and took tons of pictures. I'll upload them later. Keep the prayers coming. I will keep you updated.

With very guarded hearts, we announce that we are matched again. After two failed placements we are very nervous but proceeding on faith and hope. Our birth mother is due in 10 days. Brett and I had the awesome privilege of flying to Chicago to meet the birth parents and their two girls. It was a whirlwind 24 hour trip but so worth the exhaustion. They are great people whom we formed an incredible bond with. We talked for 2 hours like old friends. We have continued to talk on the phone several times this week. It's amazing! Now we wait..... now we pray. Please pray that God's will be done in this situation, whether this is Ellison or not.

God's Mission: Adoption by Max Lucado

When we come to Christ, God not only forgives us, he also adopts us. Through a dramatic series of events, we go from condemned orphans with no hope to adopted children with no fear. Here is how it happens. You come before the judgment seat of God full of rebellion and mistakes. Because of his justice he cannot dismiss your sin, but because of his love he cannot dismiss you. So, in an act which stunned the heavens, he punished himself on the cross for your sins. God's justice and love are equally honored. And you, God's creation, are forgiven. But the story doesn't end with God's forgiveness.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our Spirit that we are children of God (Rom. 8:15–16 NASB).

But when the fullness of time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, in order that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons (Gal. 4:4–5 NASB).

It would be enough if God just cleansed your name, but he does more. He gives you his name. It would be enough if God just set you free, but he does more. He takes you home. He takes you home to the Great House of God.

Adoptive parents understand this more than anyone. I certainly don't mean to offend any biological parents—I'm one myself. We biological parents know well the earnest longing to have a child. But in many cases our cribs were filled easily. We decided to have a child and a child came. In fact, sometimes the child came with no decision. I've heard of unplanned pregnancies, but I've never heard of an unplanned adoption.

That's why adoptive parents understand God's passion to adopt us. They know what it means to feel an empty space inside. They know what it means to hunt, to set out on a mission, and take responsibility for a child with a spotted past and a dubious future. If anybody understands God's ardor for his children, it's someone who has rescued an orphan from despair, for that is what God has done for us.

God has adopted you. God sought you, found you, signed the papers and took you home.

11 months....... 11 months to fall completely in love with a baby girl that we have never seen or held. 11 months of unbelievable love. 11 months to prepare our house and our hearts. 11 months since we started our journey to Ellison.

Our adoption placement fell through. We are dealing with it a lot better than the first time. We are back on the waiting list and hope for another match soon. What a test of faith this has been but we are holding strong and know that Ellison is out there somewhere. Through all this, our lives go on and we keep on smiling.

Dear Ellison,

I dreamt about you last night. In my dream, God was handing you to me. I actually saw your sweet face. You had dark hair and dark eyes and you were so tiny. I woke with tears in my eyes because I desperately want to hold you. Not in my dreams but really hold you. I guess for today, I will hold you in my heart sweet girl.

I love you,

Mommy

We are officially matched again! Our birth mother is due on June 1 but will probably deliver towards the end of May. Just in case you didn't know..... that's next month!! :) We are very excited but also nervous. I will keep you updated as things progress.

Happy Easter from our family to yours!

A friend sent this video to me a few weeks ago. This song desribes exactly how I am feeling. I am waiting but frustrated. Hopeful yet heartbroken. Trusting yet doubting. So many emotions rolled up in my heart.

It has been 4 weeks since my last post but unfortunately, I have nothing new to share. Tomorrow will be 9 months since starting this adoption. We hoped to have a baby by now but that is not God's plan for us. So, we wait......

"Dear God,

Please bring baby Ellison home soon. I love her already. Amen."

Mason - 6 years old

"I lay my "whys?" before Your cross in worship kneeling, my mind beyond all hope, my heart beyond all feeling; and worshipping, realize that I in knowing You, don't need a "why?""

-Ruth Bell Graham

We got sad news yesterday. Our birth mother had her baby and changed her mind about the adoption. We are heartbroken but trusting God' s plan for our family. We are back on the waiting list and praying for a quick match.

More than two years ago, I mentioned to Brett that I really would like to adopt a baby one day. He sort of laughed and said, "Yeah right." I was disappointed but I continued to pray about it. Every few months, we would talk about it again. I continued to pray. At one point, I asked God to take the desire to adopt away from me if we weren't meant to do it. The desire grew and I continued praying. I saw God begin to work on Brett's heart. I prayed even harder. Brett's heart opened and filled with the desire to adopt. We started this journey a long time ago but officially signed with Christian Adoption Consultants in July 2008. Since then, I have witnessed miracle after miracle. I have watched God bring people together and I have watched God open other hearts to the idea of adoption. Now, here we are....waiting for the phone to ring and I feel like these last three weeks have been the longest EVER. I have to remind myself every day that this sweet baby girl is God's child and He has a perfect plan for her life. He is knitting her together in her mother's womb and molding her into perfection. One corner of my heart is full of excitement. The other corner is full of nervousness and sadness. I remind myself that the desire to adopt didn't come from me.... it came from God. He simply planted the seed in my heart. I am relying on His perfect peace to keep me calm.

Just a quick update. We are waiting for the phone to ring with news that our birth mother is in labor. We are told that it could be any day now. We are all a bundle of nerves and excitement. Mason is walking around with a huge smile on his sweet face. He has been praying for his baby sister for months. It amazes me that our six year old has the capacity to love Ellison so intensely....even though he has never met her. I will try to update my blog when we for the big call. We are taking a lap top so we will be able to share pictures while we are in Nevada.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

That's right! We have been matched!! Our sweet baby girl is due on February 12 but will probably deliver any day now. We have worked really hard on fundraisers over the last few months but we are still short on funds. If you have ever considered donating to our adoption, now would be the perfect time!

Not that I am counting the days or anything but we are just about to the six month mark in our adoption journey. We prayed for a Christmas baby but that was not God's will for our family. When the clock stuck 12:00am on December 31, I thought, "This is our year!" This is the year that our family will grow. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it.

Thank you for your continued prayers!